Oldham County Animal Control
Where bureaucracy meets obscurity: Bringing you the illusion of assistance since 1824.
Our Services
We Proudly Offer
Tax Collection
We proudly take your tax funded dollars and spend it as inefficiently as possible!
Terrible Advice
Having animal problems? We can't help! But we can tell you to shoot it or get over it!
False Information
We will tell other people we are doing things, but we won't and it'll just be that much worse!
The Bare Minimum
We work hard to not over work ensuring we can pocket as much of your money as possible.
Why Choose Us
Lack Of Choices
You have no other option so we don’t need to earn anything from you.
Pre-Paid
Your tax dollars already pay for the services we won’t provide.
Illusion of Help
We wear uniforms so it looks more official when we do nothing.
Free Court Dates
If you don’t do what we say we can fine you and get more of your money.
About Oldham County Animal Control
We advertise ourselves as an animal shelter, but we love pretending we have some type of authority whenever we can! We like to post whenever an animal does get adopted, because we really have no other merit to stand on that would generate us any support!
In short, we are another unnecessary Government agency “here to help” spending unnecessarily and even begging for more! Please support our new 6 million dollar tax payer funded facility coming soon!
Client Testimonials
A Title to Turn the Visitor Into a Lead
Copyright: 2024 Oldham County Animal Control
This website is satire